Bullies at Home
Stop Bullies at Home: Create a Bully-Free Personal Space.
Overt violence and the threat of violence will get your attention. But many people allow themselves to be bullied repeatedly because they don’t recognize and label the control and abuse as “bullying.” Covert or stealth bullies are really playground bullies who have grown up and learned to be sneaky, manipulative controllers. When you recognize and label their tactics and tricks, you’ll be empowered to resist them effectively. Some of the warning signs of this bullying:
- Your “No” isn’t accepted as “No.”
- The bully makes the rules.
- Your concerns generally don’t get dealt with.
- You’re told that you’re to blame for the bully’s behavior.
- You feel emotionally blackmailed, intimidated and controlled.
- You feel emotionally drained and walk on eggshells.
- You’re told you’re incompetent, helpless and would be alone without the bully.
Stop Self-Bullying.
People often allow this abuse to continue because of their own inner self-bullying. Their self bullying beliefs and rules (coming from the voices of their parents, teachers, ministers, etc) undercut their confidence and self-esteem, and prevent them from making effective action to protect themselves.
Stop Stealth Bullies.
Stealth bullies try to stimulate your self-bullying so you’ll give in to them. Stealth bullies manipulate and control through verbal abuse, emotional intimidation and pushing boundaries. These bullies come in many forms, for example:
- Boyfriends and girlfriends who ignore your wishes, demean you and threaten you.
- Husbands, wives and partners who are always critical, sarcastic, intimidating, controlling and domineering.
- Parents who control by disapproval, hurt feelings, blame, guilt or threatening to cut you out of their wills.
- Friends who are selfish, controlling, deceitful backstabbers, or righteous know-it-alls and who, for example, force food on dieters because they know best.
- Brothers, sisters and other relatives who use subtle name-calling, and control with their hyper-sensitive, hurt feelings.
- Children and teens who control by pushing boundaries, arguing endlessly and withholding love.
- People in church and other groups who are smilingly arrogant, smug, correcting, righteous finger-pointers.
How to Change Bullying Relationships.
No two bullies are the same, but their patterns of behavior are the same. That’s why I’ve been able to identify countermeasures that can be applied to any bullying situation. These strategies and techniques are not theories. They come from my observations, and they work. Try them.
Peaceful methods (understanding, tolerating, logic, reasoning, forgiveness) sometimes stop mild bullying. But you need firmer, stronger methods to stop relentless, determined bullies.
My books and CDs will give you methods, tips and case studies that you need in order to protect your personal ecology. You’ll see case studies about the people I’ve listed above and many others in “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks” and “Bullies Below the Radar: How to Wise Up, Stand Up and Stay Up.” With individualized coaching, we can design an effective plan that you can adjust to the bully’s tactics and tricks. You can succeed, even when there’s a lot on the line.
Groups also request me as a speaker to rally support for participants as they face bullies outside the group, and also to help surface hidden bullying within the group.
If you want the wisdom and skills to do your best resolutely, diligently and effectively—good for you—you’ve come to the right place!