Nora finally gave up trying to rescue and educate one of her adult daughters. That daughter thought she should be the center of the whole family’s attention and love. Her brother and sister, and her parents should give her what she wanted.
Her daughter's anger had no bounds; her needs were ever changing and endless.
She was entitled to special treatment and if she didn’t get what she wanted, she felt free to be as vindictive, bullying and abusive as she wanted. She tried to set her siblings against each other and against her parents whenever she could.
Five ways many bullies, narcissists and “professional victims” think:
- Their feelings are accurate, real, The Truth. Their feelings matter the most and should be most important to everyone else. No one is as sensitive; no one else’s feelings are important.
- They are justified in what they feel; other people should understand them, which means agree with them and make them feel better. They should get what they want immediately. Everyone should be a slave or servant to their needs.
- Their feelings cannot be changed by them; their feelings can be changed only when other people beg for forgiveness and give them what they want.
- The target of the moment should give in to make peace. Spectators and bystanders should be made to side with them and gang up to make their oppressor give in.
- If they’re nasty or manipulative enough, their target will give in eventually.
“Professional Victims” gain control and turf by claiming they’re being victimized.
Other people walk around on egg shells trying to please them, make them feel good.
Five approaches that do not change the behavior of bullies, narcissists and “professional victims:”
- Letting them vent and waiting for them to become reasonable so you can educate them.
- Using evidence, facts, reason, logic to defend yourself.
- Thinking that if you give in this time, they’ll be satisfied and they won’t demand any more.
- Appealing to good values, conscience, caring and understanding for other people.
- The Golden Rule, niceness, kindness, unconditional acceptance.
Three conditions that might make them change their behavior:
- A change of heart, a miracle.
- Their need of you makes them come to negotiate after they fail.
- Your leverage and power.
Two unusual approaches might change their behavior:
- Challenge them with a smile, in public, so other people join your side.
- Embarrass them in public for attacking you (their demeaning, sarcastic, hurtful humor).
Nora gave up trying to satisfy that daughter.
She decided to protect the other children and herself and her husband. She was not going to let that daughter sink the whole family.
Of course, there are many complications depending on your situation. The best way to learn how to take power in your life and to be the person you want to be is to hire Dr. Ben for personalized coaching and counseling so you can:
- Develop the strength, courage, will and determination to be and to act your best resolutely, diligently and effectively.
- Develop a plan and master the skills necessary to create the life your spirit has always hungered for.
Since all tactics depend on the situation, call me at 1-877-8Bullies for expert counseling and coaching by phone or Skype.